May You rest in peace auntie

GI ward's bed 16 was where I saw her.A patient with liver metastases and upper esophageal constriction.She had a total Gastrectomy last year due to the big C.She could have been treated at home only if she could eat but the constriction made it impossible.By the time I met her she was in her last stage, sometimes she managed to smile despite of the heavy pain and sorrow she buried inside.Her husband, the uncle was how I managed to get close to her.I was checking the blood pressure of Bed 13,another shanghainese ayi with Primary biliary cirrhosis, she asked if I could help her husband check the BP.It was quite high, but I could feel the tension undergoing between them that's why I wanted to check again in the morning when things were well and calm.
Later rotation landed me at Hematological ward, I would see uncle around smoking heavily.He was complaining her temper was becoming worse.Sometimes she asked him to get paper and pen to make up..........she would write inside,outside uncle would smoke heavily.I am sad that due to the hectic schedule I couldn't give him and family the enough emotional support I could provide and they needed.When I went to see them after nearly 4 weeks, I was late.I missed her......the senior doctor said she left us all last week.
I am not feeling good today,I miss her who always managed to smile to me despite of all the pain she had.I miss her hands which I held and talked.I miss her pigmented eyes which still had hopes of being cured.I promise I will be a good doctor that you mentioned, the road may look long but I hope I will make it.I am sorry that I am too small and powerless, I had no answers for her when she asked if there was any cancer medication in Nepal.
.........and I hope all of you take the best care of your health.Health really is wealth and happiness.Nothing is more important.
In memory of loving Bed 16, Zhang Long Di, my chinese aunt.I really missed you enormously today.The bed is still empty...and will always remind me of you.
May you rest in Peace!!